the last year

different people, different ways

i always wonder what do i want to do.. what am i going to be in the future.. what kind of work will i do.. what kind of man will i marry.. how will i die.. how will my afterlife be.. constantly wondering, constantly stressing.

i think too much.

i gave too much for the future.

i forgot to love the present.

but then again, our life is 'manufactured' that way. the moment right now is for the next moment. connected. never broken. always relating. the next moment however, is never expected. it cant be told by anyone. no one knows. the future is a mystery.

man, a very curious creature.

explains why man anticipates the future but never the present.

we don't know the future. but there are clues to what our future will look like.

personality, talent and fate.

someone who's good in dancing will most likely be a dancer..

someone who loves photos can become a photographer..

and the list goes on..

but what if

just what if

lets just say

a girl is great in science subject, she can become a doctor so easily but her passion is more towards art. which one should she choose? talent or passion? the world appreciates talent. rarely passion. should she become a doctor? neglecting her passion?

but then there's family; who would love to see her become a doctor. how can she disobey them? how dare she? is becoming a doctor the right choice?

of course they are part time jobs.. she can enjoy art afterwards. but its never the same. it will never be the same.

what should she do? 

and at the end, fate is the answer.

talent or passion, only Allah knows. only He knows the answer. He knows the future. He knows the best.

we know the future is already set. all we have to do is live the present to the fullest; preparing ourselves for whats to come. but not expecting what will happen. why is not expecting is such a hard thing to do?

im tired of expecting.

but how to not expect?

im confused.

i need help.